Dear Fellow,
This acquaintance reached out. It had been a long time since the last time we spoke. She sent a verse:
Live honestly,
With all the strength that is left.
Tell some lies.
This will help so.
Turn your stage,
And you will glow,
Then you’ll grow.
You’ll keep looking young cause you’re loved.
I cringed at the third line. “Tell some Lies”? What does that even mean? I wondered. I couldn’t help it, so I demanded an explanation.
“Tell some lies,” she replied, “like ‘I am fine and you.’”
It caused laughter but sent a strong signal. I had to make out the stirring. I tried to make sense out of the feeling. It got clearer after we said farewells.
In the world of social media, we are cursed to automatically say “I am fine and you” when asked, “How are you?” This is often the case even when at that point in time the fellow isn’t in good shape. We now even have to ask further: “How are you, really?”
I marvelled when I saw a portrayal of this in Khaleed Hosseini’s book The Kite Runner. The protagonist (the narrator) was in a serious conversation, though it started off with both folks recalling pleasant memories as a way to ease the tension before discussing the main focus of the meeting. To begin the main conversation, the narrator said:
“How are you?” I asked. “I mean really, how are you?” (p.175).
Do we need the stressor “really” to get the truth out? Yes, the world is losing trustworthy and reliable companionships. I don’t even know how to ask that one should be more open in times like this. But, I think it helps that we are a little more honest with ourselves and to the question “How are you?” Or maybe we should be more intentional when asking and replying to “How are you?”
It shouldn’t be a surprise to find out the one asking “How are you” is absent-minded and automated as the one who will eventually respond with “I am fine and you.”
In-person conversations and off-the-internet interactions still stand out for the feature of taking off the shields to a great extent. You come in contact with the face of the one you are speaking to, reading the unspoken words all together. However, lies always figure out a way to survive.
I have a difficulty closing this piece. Maybe the conversation should continue in the comment.
My word for you is, be intentional when you chat, especially with acquaintances. Be intentional when asking, “How are you?” and also when you are responding to the same. We can make social media interactions more rewarding.
Be more reliable a companion, good Fellow. Have a blessed weekend.
Your LetterMan,
Tongjal, W. N.